Deliberate Creation

Argh! I just heard it again. A well-meaning person just said, “I would love to give more, but am short right now.”

We’ve all felt that way at one time or another. Maybe it was a shortage of money. Maybe time or talent was the concern. Maybe it was feeling stuck and worried. Regardless, the message is the same - I can’t give right now because I don’t yet have enough.

So it’s high time we had a little conversation about Deliberate Creation.

But first I must digress….

In deep mid-winter, I always experience a feeling of hibernation, of drawing inward and letting go, of the old dying and the new preparing for birth. It’s no accident that we are given a bright shiny new year at a time when the earth and all that is in it is still sleeping. We need that time of quietude for healing, reflecting, storing up, and emerging anew ourselves. So here we are in the “dead” of winter which brings me to one of my favorite annual rituals.

Growing up Southern Baptist in the 1960s, we didn’t hear much about the practice of giving something up for Lent. Then I married a Methodist and listened as usually sensible adults bragged about giving up wine or chocolate and their kids giving up the jelly on their toast or cookies. I struggled to connect these superficial “sacrifices” to spiritual growth and finally gave up. Then one day a pastor friend shared the Lenten tradition he and his family followed and a major Ah-Ha moment blossomed.

Steve suggested that we use this 40-day season to let go of something we want to give up forever. It might be a habit that isn’t in our best interest or a relationship that doesn’t nurture us or even something we habitually worry about. Letting go of it for 40 days pretty much assures that it will be exiting our life.

Then he added a Step 2 to the process. Replace the time and energy you would have spent on whatever you have given up with something that builds you up instead. If you’ve let go of a relationship that is dragging you down, devote that same energy to nurturing one you want more of. If it’s habit, do something else with that time. He offered the example of smoking. Replace smoking with doing something else with your hands that engages and delights you. Erase and replace is the goal.

My own most profound experience (up until now!) was the year I gave up fretting. I had gotten myself into a perpetual state of anxiety and couldn’t seem to pull myself out, so in pure frustration I decided to give up fretting and replace it with quietude. I designated a very pretty (and comfortable) chair in my living room as my “Time Out” chair. Every time I would find myself feeling anxious, overwhelmed, fretful, worried, or fearful I would put myself into Time Out. The goal was simply to sit still and quiet my mind. This was hard! So I set an interim goal of just being able to sit still without wiggling, and even set a timer for 5 minutes and “made” myself just sit still for shorter then longer periods of time. Sometimes listening to meditative music helped. Often it was all I could do not to jump up and run do something else, but I stuck with it and slowly a miracle began occurring. My mind began to quiet as my body did and I began to experience what it means to “Be still and know.” Soon, I was so eager to go to Time Out that no fretful triggers were needed, and I found myself wondering if the timer was needed to keep me from living in this lovely quiet chair!

This year, I have already begun my Lenten process and the focus this time is Deliberate Creation. I am giving up living by Default and choosing living by Design. I am giving up lingering limiting beliefs and actions. I am giving up doubts and fears. I am giving up rehashing conversations and situations wishing I had said or done something different. And I am replacing all of that with deliberately, purposefully creating what I really want.

When the decision for this year’s focus was made, I caught myself almost immediately thinking “This is going to be hard,” then laughed out loud and remembered that “hard” isn’t at all what I want to create. So even setting my intention offered a moment to choose! And that’s the goal – to live by conscious choice, not by chance.

As long as I‘m spilling, here’s another dirty little secret. I began studying the Law of Attraction long before I knew its name or even that it had a name. It made perfect sense, was easy to understand intellectually, and fun to teach. Yet my personal frustration with my own lack of consistent results continued to grow like well-fertilized weeds. (There’s a big clue in that statement.) Thankfully, by continuing to seek I could finally see the answer that had been right in front of me all along. The missing ingredient was faith – faith that it would work for me perfectly every time just as the law says and just as others were experiencing. And those of you that have been reading along already know that faith is my Watchword for 2011.

So Deliberate Creation is my next leap of faith and I am inviting all of you to join me. Personally, I am using Dr. Robert Anthony’s course in Deliberate Creation as my guide, though you’ll want to choose whatever speaks best to you. Dr. Anthony has broken the process into clear steps and explains each one in terms that I can fully understand and easily follow. I listened to all of the CDs over the weekend and already feel a shift. Now I am listening again slowly, internalizing each and every nugget, and practicing constantly and consistently. There have been a couple of tough moments, but it’s becoming easier and easier to erase and replace. You can access Dr. Anthony’s teaching at Secrets of Deliberate Creation.

Regardless of what guide you choose, please stop by the Chicks with Checks Facebook page or this blog page often and let everyone know how you are coming along – both triumphs and trials. We are all in this together!

Can’t wait to hear your stories!!!

Game On!

Remember this?

“Hey, your chocolate is in my peanut butter!”
“Well, your peanut butter is in my chocolate!”
“Yummmmmmm………”

That’s how I am feeling this month with the launch of the Chicks Challenge Giving Game.

The game is simple – Every month, Chicks with Checks members nominate their favorite nonprofits by creating a fill-in-the-blank information web page. That information page is added to the Chicks Challenge game page. We all send our friends, families, and supporters to the game page to “vote” for their favorites with their Donation Dollars.* The organization receiving the largest number of votes “wins” the membership donation plus their own voting Donation Dollars and any matching grants. All other nominees receive their own donation dollars. That’s it.

Nominate.
Vote.
Donate.
Repeat.

Think “Pepsi Refresh meets fundraising.” Every month.

This is exciting for so many reasons I hardly know where to begin. Perhaps starting with a little story might help.

The idea for Chicks with Checks began hatching five years ago due to some big changes in my life. The part of the story about surviving cancer and wanting to shift my business and my giving has been told many times and is on the Chicks with Checks website http://www.chickswithchecks.org so I’ll pick it up from there.

In the beginning, the idea was hazy at best and mostly in the form of questions. What if we had a social club that focused on giving instead of Bunco or Bridge? What if we pooled our money and found local nonprofits to support? At that point, I knew about investment pools and garden clubs, but had never heard of social networks or giving circles. Hint: When the cosmos taps you on the shoulder with a little idea that wants to Live Large, be prepared.

One evening, I met a dear friend at a local restaurant for a gal pals catch up. We chatted business for a bit, I shared the glimmer of this idea, and then we closed our day with a glass of wine. And that’s when Fate stepped in.

As two gentlemen walked past, one accidently knocked my Daytimer onto the floor. As he apologized profusely, he struck up conversation and when he heard what we were discussing, got all excited. I needed to meet his girlfriend. She was on her way to the restaurant. She was the Executive Directive of a nonprofit he was sure I’d never heard of and needed to. See what I mean?

A tall, beautiful blond woman walked in about then. He introduced us and we were off and running like two magpies. Suddenly, she stopped, looked me straight in the eye, and said, “So when are you going to start?” I looked right back and without skipping a beat asked, “You want to go first?”

We held the first gathering in my home with a few of my friends. The very next week, the phone rang. It was a nonprofit who wanted to know how they could become a beneficiary. Things were off and running and I was hanging on for dear life.

Calls started coming in from nonprofits around the country and so did calls from women wanting to start chapters. Only problem was the communities weren’t matching up and we were having to tell too many nonprofits they had to wait for a local chapter. There had to be a better way.

That better way is the Chicks Challenge Giving Game. Now any nonprofit can be a beneficiary without waiting for a local chapter. Now any member’s favorite nonprofits can be a beneficiary as often as they like no matter where they are located.

Once again, we needed someone willing to “Go First” and I am delighted to present Louie’s Kids, Courageous Kidz, and Piedmont Progressive Preschool as our first Chicks Challenge beneficiaries. How perfect to have kid-themed organizations for this holiday season launch!

I’ll be sharing more about each organization later this week. In the meantime, please visit http://www.razoo.com/p/holiday-04-chicks-challenge to learn more about them and about Chicks Challenge.

Turns out, taking Chicks with Checks virtual and viral is lot like combining chocolate and peanut butter – a combination so naturally delicious, you wonder why no one else had thought of it. It’s the perfect way to have even more fun raising friends and funds for our all-important local nonprofits. Come play with us!

Happy Giving!

* Though only members can nominate, anyone an vote.

Give Your Favorite Nonprofit $12,500 (Without Writing the Check Yourself)

Chicks with Checks is doing something HUGE and very special this holiday season and we need your help to make it happen.

Our goal is to give someone’s favorite local nonprofit, maybe your favorite organization, $12,500 to start the New Year. To do that, we must increase membership to 500 Chicks (and Dudes) before the end of the year. Are you on board?

We are so excited to introduce the monthly online Chicks Challenge Giving Game. Think the “Pepsi Refresh” as fundraising!

Here’s how you can play and how your favorite nonprofit can win:

1. Become a Chicks with Checks member. Dudes with Dollars are also welcome!
2. Nominate your favorite nonprofit. Visit www.chickswithchecks.org for complete nominating guidelines.
3. Forward this email along with a personal message from you and inspire at least 5 friends to become members. Then they can nominate their own favorite nonprofits.
4. VOTE! Send your family, friends, the organization’s supporters, your Facebook contacts, EVERYONE to the campaign site. Every donation dollar counts as one vote.

As a Chicks with Checks member, you can now nominate your favorite local nonprofits every month. No more waiting for a chapter in your area. No more “one organization per month” or “once per year” limits.

What’s in it for you? Activating and increasing your own receiving, that’s what! According to the Law of Giving, the Giver becomes the Receiver becomes the Giver becomes the Receiver in a cycle of ever-flowing bounty. One of the most powerful ways to access that flow is to practice the principle of Seed Money in which everything you give comes back to you tenfold. Chicks with Checks is a fun and budget-friendly way to systematically give to worthy causes to activate your own Seed Money returns. Plus, you will also connect with a vibrant, supportive community of Givers and Receivers where you can share stories, learn, and grow.

Join
Nominate
Invite
VOTE

It’s that easy!

Happy Giving!

Is There Such a Thing as Giving Too Much?

The Law of Giving says simply “The Giver becomes the Receiver becomes the Giver becomes the Receiver...” in a never-ending bountiful flow. Like any natural law, though, there are underlying principles that can either magnify or diminish the results we get as we learn to apply the Law. For example, the Principle of Money in Motion©, also known as the Seed Money Principle, can greatly enhance the outcome of The Law of Giving. However, when the Giver is not open to Receive or if the Receiver doesn’t know how to give, the cycle will be broken. The cycle can also be broken when the Giver tries to impose their giving or when the Receiver tries to take more than is being offered.

I recently received a sharp lesson in accidently using diminishing principles.

A woman came into my life through a series of seemingly random and highly unlikely events, the kind that cause me to say things like “What are the odds of that happening?” or “The Universe sure did go to a lot of trouble to bring us together. Wonder what that’s about?” She needed some work done which I am well-qualified to do, but in reality there are lots of people who could do the same work; she didn’t need to turn up on my doorstep to get it done. After taking a look at what she desired, it was clear that she was wanting to move into more fully living her Life Purpose and that the requested work would help her achieve that goal. Since I firmly believe that part of my Life Purpose is to help other people achieve theirs, I happily gave her a bargain basement price to do the work. I also gave her lots of valuable resources for free and lots of samples to work with to help her complete her part of the project. Oh what a happy little giver I was!

The trouble began almost immediately and things deteriorated rapidly. Though I was hurt and baffled at first, the accusations and anger became so bizarre that it was soon obvious something else was going on.

And that’s when it hit me.

Yes, the Law of Giving states that “The Giver becomes the Receiver becomes the Giver becomes the Receiver” in a never-ending flow of reciprocity. That’s pretty straightforward, but remember we also have to be heedful of those underlying principles. Remember that if the Giver tries to impose their giving, even with the best of intentions, the cycle is broken. This incident gave me deep new insight into what that really means.

Up until this happened, I had “assumed” that imposing giving meant trying to “make” someone receive something they didn’t want or need or enjoy. I “assumed” it was the kinds of things people give because it makes them feel good to give it even if it makes the Receiver feel crummy to receive it. The goofy example might be the horrible sweater your Great Aunt Martha knitted for you and expects you to show off at your office holiday party even though you would rather swallow arsenic than be caught in public wearing it. A more serious example could be the advice your best friend gives and expects you to take no matter what, and will be offended if you don’t at great peril to your friendship. In both of these examples, there are strings attached in the form of expectations that you must accept not only the gift, but also the conditions of using the gift, in order to please the Giver. That pretty much negates the giving.

Turns out, there’s another kind of imposing: Trying to give someone more than they are ready to receive even if it is exactly what they need and want and have asked for and believe they would enjoy. Guess this could be called the “Fire Hose Principle.” In this case, it doesn’t really matter if what you are offering is a perfect match to what they have requested - it may be “too much too soon.” If they are not yet open to receive that request, they will feel pressured and will probably lash out at you. What’s really happening is that they are having a head-on collision with their own resistance and are experiencing the normal and natural need to make that someone else’s fault. None of us ever wants to admit that we are blocking our own receiving! Of course, it had not occurred to me that giving too much too soon was a form of imposing. I just saw it as generosity!

In the case of this woman, the more she complained that she wasn’t getting enough, the more I gave. The more I gave, the stronger her resistance became and the more successfully she blocked her own receiving. The more I tried to give, the wilder and more panicky her responses got. That was the real clue. Creating self-barriers to receiving the work she had requested was really a subconscious protective measure, something we have all done. If she accepted this work, she would no longer have an excuse for not stepping into her Life Purpose, and by her own admission she was still dealing with a lot of fear and self-doubt. I’m confident she genuinely thinks the problem was me; that truly is her reality.

Like many of life’s lessons, this one was painful, but have you also discovered that some of the most painful lessons are also the most powerful and profound? With the best of intentions, I had overstepped my bounds triggering anger on her part and pain for both of us.

So perhaps there can be such a thing as giving “too much.” The truth is that I heard and felt warning signals early on and barged full steam ahead anyway without stopping to find out what they were about. I chose to ignore those warning signs because “obviously” I had exactly what she needed! Maybe that means it became more about me giving what I wanted to give than what she was ready to receive. And, yes, that’s a textbook definition of imposing!

The Law of Giving is still a Master Key. It precedes the Law of Attraction (What you give your attention to is what you receive) and is the power behind the Law of Love (Love your neighbor as yourself and yourself as a divine being created in god’s own image). In fact, The Law of Giving is the foundation for all natural laws (What you give is what you get). And if the learning curve for implementing any natural law sometimes feels a lot like Mr. Toad’s Wild ride as it did this time, well, just remember how much we all love Disney World!

Happy Giving