Is There Such a Thing as Giving Too Much?

The Law of Giving says simply “The Giver becomes the Receiver becomes the Giver becomes the Receiver...” in a never-ending bountiful flow. Like any natural law, though, there are underlying principles that can either magnify or diminish the results we get as we learn to apply the Law. For example, the Principle of Money in Motion©, also known as the Seed Money Principle, can greatly enhance the outcome of The Law of Giving. However, when the Giver is not open to Receive or if the Receiver doesn’t know how to give, the cycle will be broken. The cycle can also be broken when the Giver tries to impose their giving or when the Receiver tries to take more than is being offered.

I recently received a sharp lesson in accidently using diminishing principles.

A woman came into my life through a series of seemingly random and highly unlikely events, the kind that cause me to say things like “What are the odds of that happening?” or “The Universe sure did go to a lot of trouble to bring us together. Wonder what that’s about?” She needed some work done which I am well-qualified to do, but in reality there are lots of people who could do the same work; she didn’t need to turn up on my doorstep to get it done. After taking a look at what she desired, it was clear that she was wanting to move into more fully living her Life Purpose and that the requested work would help her achieve that goal. Since I firmly believe that part of my Life Purpose is to help other people achieve theirs, I happily gave her a bargain basement price to do the work. I also gave her lots of valuable resources for free and lots of samples to work with to help her complete her part of the project. Oh what a happy little giver I was!

The trouble began almost immediately and things deteriorated rapidly. Though I was hurt and baffled at first, the accusations and anger became so bizarre that it was soon obvious something else was going on.

And that’s when it hit me.

Yes, the Law of Giving states that “The Giver becomes the Receiver becomes the Giver becomes the Receiver” in a never-ending flow of reciprocity. That’s pretty straightforward, but remember we also have to be heedful of those underlying principles. Remember that if the Giver tries to impose their giving, even with the best of intentions, the cycle is broken. This incident gave me deep new insight into what that really means.

Up until this happened, I had “assumed” that imposing giving meant trying to “make” someone receive something they didn’t want or need or enjoy. I “assumed” it was the kinds of things people give because it makes them feel good to give it even if it makes the Receiver feel crummy to receive it. The goofy example might be the horrible sweater your Great Aunt Martha knitted for you and expects you to show off at your office holiday party even though you would rather swallow arsenic than be caught in public wearing it. A more serious example could be the advice your best friend gives and expects you to take no matter what, and will be offended if you don’t at great peril to your friendship. In both of these examples, there are strings attached in the form of expectations that you must accept not only the gift, but also the conditions of using the gift, in order to please the Giver. That pretty much negates the giving.

Turns out, there’s another kind of imposing: Trying to give someone more than they are ready to receive even if it is exactly what they need and want and have asked for and believe they would enjoy. Guess this could be called the “Fire Hose Principle.” In this case, it doesn’t really matter if what you are offering is a perfect match to what they have requested - it may be “too much too soon.” If they are not yet open to receive that request, they will feel pressured and will probably lash out at you. What’s really happening is that they are having a head-on collision with their own resistance and are experiencing the normal and natural need to make that someone else’s fault. None of us ever wants to admit that we are blocking our own receiving! Of course, it had not occurred to me that giving too much too soon was a form of imposing. I just saw it as generosity!

In the case of this woman, the more she complained that she wasn’t getting enough, the more I gave. The more I gave, the stronger her resistance became and the more successfully she blocked her own receiving. The more I tried to give, the wilder and more panicky her responses got. That was the real clue. Creating self-barriers to receiving the work she had requested was really a subconscious protective measure, something we have all done. If she accepted this work, she would no longer have an excuse for not stepping into her Life Purpose, and by her own admission she was still dealing with a lot of fear and self-doubt. I’m confident she genuinely thinks the problem was me; that truly is her reality.

Like many of life’s lessons, this one was painful, but have you also discovered that some of the most painful lessons are also the most powerful and profound? With the best of intentions, I had overstepped my bounds triggering anger on her part and pain for both of us.

So perhaps there can be such a thing as giving “too much.” The truth is that I heard and felt warning signals early on and barged full steam ahead anyway without stopping to find out what they were about. I chose to ignore those warning signs because “obviously” I had exactly what she needed! Maybe that means it became more about me giving what I wanted to give than what she was ready to receive. And, yes, that’s a textbook definition of imposing!

The Law of Giving is still a Master Key. It precedes the Law of Attraction (What you give your attention to is what you receive) and is the power behind the Law of Love (Love your neighbor as yourself and yourself as a divine being created in god’s own image). In fact, The Law of Giving is the foundation for all natural laws (What you give is what you get). And if the learning curve for implementing any natural law sometimes feels a lot like Mr. Toad’s Wild ride as it did this time, well, just remember how much we all love Disney World!

Happy Giving